Wow. This is a loaded gun you do not want to have to deal with. Hopefully the person with borderline personality disorder isn’t the same person with autism, but either way, it’s not a good situation for the person with autism.
Personality disorders are tricky to diagnose, because much like the symptoms of autism, they look like they could be something else. They are the masqueraders of the psych world, always pretending to be something they aren’t and hiding from what they are or have. They are also in total denial about their personality disorder and will react violently or negatively to being pushed to find psychological help.
It would be next to impossible for most children and adults on the spectrum to have a personality disorder because personality disorders originate in a place of trauma where to insulate oneself one gains dysfunctional coping mechanisms that work for them once so they keep applying them all of their lives. Since most that are diagnosed with autism don’t have coping mechanisms to begin with and need to be taught how to cope, a personality disorder is kind of out of the question. I say kind of, because kids with Aspergers have a remote chance of developing a personality disorder, given their ability to disassociate from people and situations around them and put themselves first. They are the only group on the spectrum that could possibly develop a personality disorder.
The flip side of the coin is an autistic child who has to deal with a parent with a personality disorder. Parents who have a personality disorder impact their autistic children in a very negative way. Their completely irrational behavior doesn’t make sense to other adults and is definitely confusing to children. Children may have their own fanciful way of looking at the world, but even the world of someone with borderline personality disorder is too bizarre and twisted to make any sense to a child.
Those with BPD have several of the following characteristics:
- Don’t accept responsibility for their actions and will actually accuse someone else of any wrongdoing that is their own.
- Don’t remember situations the way everyone else does. They will replace negative reflexive memories with memories that make others the “evil” ones.
- Claim to not remember anything at all.
- Not engage in communication in an adult fashion.
- Project their own faults, shortcomings, negativity, poor self esteem, and other issues onto others, including their own children.
- Might be physically violent, but more often are very hostile and aggressive when cornered or called out on the rug.
- In extreme cases, will play a very unpleasant and malicious “blame game” that causes extensive emotional and psychological hurt to someone one else, but then tell that person “it’s for your own good” or “it’s your fault this is happening”.
There’s a lot more that earmarks someone with BPD, but these are the most noticeable when living with them. They show a very positive mask to the rest of the world and can even be extremely charming to the point that everyone else who doesn’t live with them thinks they are absolutely glorious human beings, which only feeds the cycle o the BPD.
When you place a child with autism with a parent who has BPD, it’s a nightmare for the child with autism because they will never learn to cope with what’s going on. Everything is just overwhelming and way too much for the autistic child and the parent with BPD has no way to help them or teach them how to cope.