Wow. This is a loaded gun you do not want to have to deal with. Hopefully the person with borderline personality disorder isn’t the same person with autism, but either way, it’s not a good situation for the person with autism.
Personality disorders are tricky to diagnose, because much like the symptoms of autism, they look like they could be something else. They are the masqueraders of the psych world, always pretending to be something they aren’t and hiding from what they are or have. They are also in total denial about their personality disorder and will react violently or negatively to being pushed to find psychological help.
It would be next to impossible for most children and adults on the spectrum to have a personality disorder because personality disorders originate in a place of trauma where to insulate oneself one gains dysfunctional coping mechanisms that work for them once so they keep applying them all of their lives. Since most that are diagnosed with autism don’t have coping mechanisms to begin with and need to be taught how to cope, a personality disorder is kind of out of the question. I say kind of, because kids with Aspergers have a remote chance of developing a personality disorder, given their ability to disassociate from people and situations around them and put themselves first. They are the only group on the spectrum that could possibly develop a personality disorder.
The flip side of the coin is an autistic child who has to deal with a parent with a personality disorder. Parents who have a personality disorder impact their autistic children in a very negative way. Their completely irrational behavior doesn’t make sense to other adults and is definitely confusing to children. Children may have their own fanciful way of looking at the world, but even the world of someone with borderline personality disorder is too bizarre and twisted to make any sense to a child.
Those with BPD have several of the following characteristics:
- Don’t accept responsibility for their actions and will actually accuse someone else of any wrongdoing that is their own.
- Don’t remember situations the way everyone else does. They will replace negative reflexive memories with memories that make others the “evil” ones.
- Claim to not remember anything at all.
- Not engage in communication in an adult fashion.
- Project their own faults, shortcomings, negativity, poor self esteem, and other issues onto others, including their own children.
- Might be physically violent, but more often are very hostile and aggressive when cornered or called out on the rug.
- In extreme cases, will play a very unpleasant and malicious “blame game” that causes extensive emotional and psychological hurt to someone one else, but then tell that person “it’s for your own good” or “it’s your fault this is happening”.
There’s a lot more that earmarks someone with BPD, but these are the most noticeable when living with them. They show a very positive mask to the rest of the world and can even be extremely charming to the point that everyone else who doesn’t live with them thinks they are absolutely glorious human beings, which only feeds the cycle o the BPD.
When you place a child with autism with a parent who has BPD, it’s a nightmare for the child with autism because they will never learn to cope with what’s going on. Everything is just overwhelming and way too much for the autistic child and the parent with BPD has no way to help them or teach them how to cope.
Please do research before posting articles. I read this in hopes of understanding the conection between the two disorders. Being part of the Bpd community I know many people who suffer from this difficult condition. Your opinions do not reflect thier or the ones who love them’s reality. I’m as people will read your article and you will further the stigma that our hard work is attempting to negate.
Respectfully,
Sharon
Sharon,
I apologize if I have hurt your feelings. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, I only share whatever is out there. Some times information that I get from other sources may not the most updated one. So if you think any article needs correction, please do let me know.
Thank you for your time and concern,
Kylie.
I know this is an old article, but frankly, I am sick of the misconceptions & I hope in the 5 years since you have properly educated yourself, Kylie. There is a TON of information from ACTUAL PSYCHOLOGISTS out there on bpd explicitly stating that the stigma and demonisation (i.e. what you have written) is ill-informed. It’s basic definition is that it is a cognitively, socially, emotionally and even physically debilitating disorder (the smallest of research would tell you this), therefore it is not based in ‘manipulation’ or ‘lack of responsibility’ or whatever you’re implying. You are incredulous…
Anyway, let’s correct this, for any bPD sufferer reading this because I know we’ve had enough of the demonisation.
Don’t accept responsibility for their actions and will actually accuse someone else of any wrongdoing that is their own.
-Not true. In fact, shame and guilt are heavily associated with this disorder. When a BPD sufferer ‘accuses’ another of wrongdoing, this is generally a coping mechanism born out of emotional damage. A way of offloading, although not intentionally. It often leads to intense shame and guilt.
Don’t remember situations the way everyone else does. — Ummm..What? Perhaps not during the peak of emotional intensity, or dissociation (naturally-that shit fucks your head up!) but in periods of relative calm or stability, absolutely they can.
They will replace negative reflexive memories with memories that make others the “evil” ones.
-Uh..again, this does not ALWAYS occur, and tends to occur as a generally unconscous COPING MECHANISM. They are NOT trying to make anyone seem evil.
Claim to not remember anything at all.
– Ok? This is getting silly!
Not engage in communication in an adult fashion.
– Not at the height of the emotional intensity this disorder can throw at you, no. You try doing that shit.
Project their own faults, shortcomings, negativity, poor self esteem, and other issues onto others, including their own children.
No. No. No. They are not projecting anything.They don’t have ‘poor self esteem’. They have an absolutely shipwrecked sense of self worth, no identity and constant emotional confusion that tends to be ‘offloaded’ onto others as a way to cope because it is a lot for one person. and they never intend to do this offloading to cause harm.
Might be physically violent, but more often are very hostile and aggressive when cornered or called out on the rug.
Yes. Emotional intensity can lead to physical aggression? Not all BPD’S are, but those who are tend to get that way without even consciously trying. They go from zero to 100 and without regular therapy, this is near impossible to control. I really…wish you could live one day with this condition so you could understand.
In extreme cases, will play a very unpleasant and malicious “blame game” that causes extensive emotional and psychological hurt to someone one else, but then tell that person “it’s for your own good” or “it’s your fault this is happening”.
DURING INTENSE PERIODS OF EMOTIONAL PAIN, THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN. This is NOT how a sufferer thinks of their loved ones daily!
Honey. Borderline is a very, very debilitating condition that affects pain sensors, emotional regulation, social communication, cognitive abilities, stability, career, EVERYTHING. They don’t have episodes. They live their life everyday in constant emotional pain. You say your ‘research’ has led you to these outcomes? Did you not research Marsha Linehan? She is the BASELINE for understanding borderline. She likened sufferers to third degree burn victims-“They have no emotional skin. Everything hurts’-and you wonder why some lash out.
Please. This is really damaging, writing this stuff.
I am appalled that people still don’t understand that a condition means behaviour is not intentional. A simple enough concept, don’t you think?
Thank you
I wholeheartedly agree, I feel like I have both and have done dbt and everything. Maybe no harm was intended but I’m reading this article staying what bPd sufferers will do and thinking wtf, really?? Thank you for this comment I was questioning what I was reading but also getting confused and bummed out until I read this.
You might want to read the most up to date damn in 2020 because you are contradicting it. To be diagnosed with body you need 90 percent of the listed qualities and symptoms which you are saying isn’t the case.
Why not put it this way
Not everyone who has bpd has been properly diagnosed, many do not present enough of the symptoms or have learned how to properly deal with their feelings
Or
They actually have autism and we’re misdiagnosed with a personality disorder as they are very similar but are often misdiagnosed especially if you were born pre mid 90s as not much was understood about autism spectrum you were either (excuse my language) retarded or u weren’t there was no broad spectrum and very little was under stood as it is now.
Or
You were diagnosed with bpd due to a toxic or abusive environment and or drug use but once not in the environment you have less symptoms and do not meet the criteria.
I was wondering about this link between autism and some personality disorders and I like how you explained the different possibilities. Thanks!
Thank you for this update.
Describing how a bpd feels on the inside doesn’t change what others see on the outside. It just explains it.
Regardless of how a bpd feels inside, what matter to others is the external aspect, their behaviors. Which this article expressed quite well and briefly.
Because this article is not about bpds, but others – their autistic offsprings.
Whether the internal feelings legitimize the behaviors is not for the bpd to decide, but for the innocent victims of such behaviors – however “unintended”. Because THEY are the ones putting up with it.
Or not, hopefully.
Thank you. The care I needed as an autistic child was completely subsumed by the intense emotional needs of my avoidant/borderline parent. Everything about me that is standard autism has always been a trigger for them to go nuts and blame me as the devil until I have a meltdown. The refutations are like “NO! Well YES that HAPPENS but NOT like you SAY.” Meanwhile refusing treatment or any type of acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Btw autistic people are treated like sht on the daily just for being weird in the room. It is not the same disorder, not even close. We normally have total recall of every sentence exchanged, could recount an entire argument moment by moment, but are met with absolute denial as though we were actually on separate planets.
Perhaps those on this thread are those who understand their own workings enough to be willing to change. Genuine thanks. That’s all we can do.
I have scoured the internet for years for one resource reflecting my experience as an autistic child in a nightmare home. This is it.
Yeah, well. From an outside perspective, does it really matter what drives a (even only psychologically) violent behaviour? Each and every violence originates from a bad coping mechanism. As for the overwhelmed part… Well, autistics live that too… Daily… But do not retaliate or blame. Ever.
Everyone suffers. Very few use that to justify inflicting pain to others.
And yes. BPD parents, overall cluster B parents (sorry but not being extra kind is sort of the hallmark of the cluster B personalities) destroy their autistic children.
Take ownership instead of shouting after stigma. As not being accountable is one of the main traits – it’s the first step to recovery.
PLEASE I’M A FEMALE ASPIE PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
This article seems to be about NPD rather than BPD. Big difference between the two.
Shocking. No one asked you to re-iterate the views of others. The problem in what you are doing is that you are unaware of the truth behind the condition. You stigmatise BPD and adversely make autism sound superior. They are 2 very different conditions.
If you do not have persona experience or have studied the conditions in a clinical situation, your views are destructive. Post on something you understand.
Sharon Thank you for this comment I am the wife of a BPD and have to heartwrentchinglly divorce for my own safty but more in formation needs to get out about how many people struggle with this…Thank you again and my Best to you Mary Ellen
Thank you
Agreed.
If you’ve met a person with BPD, you’ve met a person with BPD.
To pathologize a little, BPD is a heterogeneous disorder, it doesn’t have any single specific presentation.
These traits could reflect someone with BPD, or maybe NPD, or maybe AsPD, or maybe Autism.
A more interesting article could have compared and contrasted manifestations of splitting or borderline rage and how the external expression of these can dovetail with certain ways some autistic people may react.
For instance, splitting may manifest as ‘silent treatment’, while autism can lead to it’s own kind of lack of communicative ability. Both might look very similar, however the causes might be different.
The single most specific criticism I would raise though, is that this article seems to be written from an emotional or personal standpoint, rather than a medical or psychological one.
This person seems to have a particular axe to grind, and an article like this needs to be more impartial to have any real value.
I am autistic with a borderline mother and this describes our personal hell exactly.
As a psychologist I have to agree with you that having Aspergers syndrome makes you vulnerable for personality disorders. I would say this is mostly happening to them who have a late diagnose and are hence left to have led a life where people have not understood you and have not been able to explain what is happening to you. In my opinion everyone who are diagnosed late in life with autism are somehow traumatised since they have not been understood for many years and left out of control. This means the vulnerability for personality disorders is enhanced and closing your eyes for this fact is just making things worse for the individual that suffers from it.
wow thank you for saying that I feel like that is me. I have not been diagnosed with aspergers but I feel like it fits me so well and I am 28. though I also have PTSD for multiple traumas mostly sexual and a lot of them happened as adults because I did not understand how stuff works in the real world or the adult world. I was totally lost and got taken advantage of a lot because I had no clue what I was getting myself into. Someone who was “normal” would know that going home with a guy means the guy wants sex yet the first time I was raped I had no idea what I was getting into Had no clue that people would lie to get me to come home with them or use drugs to get me to have sex with them. I was so naïve and stupid at the time yet the interesting thing is I am very intelligent according to everyone and have a high IQ. Yet socially I’m a mess. Missed a lot of social cues growing up which came out when I went to treatment for addiction and someone saw how I was 24/7 and realized I was lacking in a lot of skills that other women find natural, communication, social skills. Now that I know I am different and that I think differently then most people life seems much easier. Like I have been diagnosed with aspergers but since I have identified it with myself and talked to other aspies I finally felt like I belonged somewhere and was able to move forward dispite my challenges and to work on my strengths. I do really well at the things I do well. I have won a writing contest, in process of having some art and writing published for a book, I have had art work in a mental health awareness show. I have started selling artwork in the last 2 weeks and have sold, 2 paintings, 4 framed drawings, and some other stuff. And I had never sold art before unless you count a painting I sold to my parents years ago. I do well in school and when I am learning I thrive.
Pinpointed.
Hmm that makes so much sense to me. My mother acts like she has bpd I mean really, I’m sure she has it. She is always right, her point of view is always right, and she can’t see any other point of view. She can get violent when drinking all because no one will see her point of view. I thought I had bpd, even my doc said I might have it. Now two years later I found out I have autism. If you have the time ,please wright back I have things I really want to figure out. email Lindseyhodson55@yahoo.com
Okay, I am one that believes that Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism are the same disorder. Autism is looked at as an illness that is not the fault of the person, they are innocent, etc. (more positive/no blame illness and accepted by society). Now, Borderline Personality Disorder is viewed by society as the person is manipulative/evil/stay away from them/it is their fault, etc. and it is stigmatized by our society. That being said…. Make a list of all the positive traits people with Autism have. Then, make a list of all the negative people with BPD have (do not be biased, be realistic and use situations/factual evidence, not emotion and hatred toward them). After you do that, make a list (again no bias, just factual situation) of all the negative about Autism. After that, make a list of the positive traits in people with BPD. Compare them….they are same. Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with Autism and girls are more likely to be given a BPD diagnosis for the same behavior. I have a BPD diagnosis (per an MMPI by a well known hospital and psych professionals; I am a girl) and I meet every criteria for Autism, including the GI problem (I have Lymphocytic Colitis), large pupils (mine are large even with normal light overhead and not drug induced), and I have a history of migraines, seizures, and I have porencephalic cyst in my brain (I possibly have the MTHFR gene mutation, I haven’t been tested for it, but my sibling has it and they want me to be tested for it). On my bad days, I can be just as “evil” as every person who hates people with BPD thinks. On my good days, I can be just as smart, happy, energetic, cute, funny, “innocent” as every person who loves/thinks Autistic people are not to blame thinks an Autistic person is. It is the same behavior. As a matter of fact, DBT was created for BPD. They are starting to think that DBT will help people with Autism because the behavior is the same. People need to be careful with the labels because when you say people with BPD are all bad and nothing about them is good, you are doing the very thing you are accusing them of doing, which is splitting. It is the classic sign of Borderline Personality Disorder (all good/all bad). So, you are no better than they are. And please, stop labeling people if they have never been to a psych professional. Just because you think they have it and that’s your opinion, does not mean they have it.
I can so relate. I am diagnosed with BPD yet when I look at aspergers especially the research done on women and aspergers it’s like I fit it to the tee. I think because I am a women and I am highly intelligent ( or scary smart as a counsellor told me) when I was little it didn’t show up. I didn’t get a diagnoses till I was older yet many issues I’ve had since I was a kid. I actually feel I relate more to the Autism criteria the then BPD. By the way I have a diagnoses of BPD yet kids love me, like I mean I attract little kids naturally and it find it much easier to interact with children then people my own age. I kind of wish I was diagnosed with autism when I was little instead of going through the years of pain of being made fun of because I didn’t fit in socially. I never fit in with people. I was always the odd one out. There is so much stigma around BPD though I think part of that is a gender thing. For some reason it is ok in our society for males to act aggressively yet for women it’s a nono. I agree some of the benefits of autism are seen as good things and males but negative attributes in women and visa versa. I took one post grad level course on Autism spectrum disorders so I know the basics about autism and I also have a undergrad degree in psychology. I am also way more likely to blame myself for everything rather then other people. I am exstreamly hard on myself and people have told me that and also told me that at first it’s hard to figure me out but once people get to know me I am the nicest gentlest kindest person who wants to help others, that’s from other people not me.
Sorry for my lack English, I hope you will understand
In this article I write not in labels or disnosis, but I see diagnoses as action and reaction in pathological symptoms. What I write, can happen with autistic people, it is not always that autism comes to personality roblems, sometimes they can learn ways to social surviving, so they stay happy enough to go on stable with life.
In Very original Borderline and autism are 2 totally different disnoses, total different diagnosis in chilhood, especially if a autistic child has a save and loveful situation at home and in lower school. A autistic child with stable background as child, can be even much more stable and wise as a personality, than sometimes a child without autism. The only problem is, the autistic child notice in himself a functional disability then, but the child can live with it, and there are not yet during personality problems, not yet.
The danger and risk of getting personality problems in an autistic person, begins, when the autistic person become adolecence or adult age. They are officially 18, 20, or 25 years old, but inside with their disabillity (I mean not intelligence) they are social only able to interact yet as a child as abillity feeling inside, the outside world can see them as lazy, or ignoring the enviroment, unjustified, and this becoming adult feel also the difference and distance between him and people around him by the disabillity, more and more becomes the inner age difference. It is always so, that this person who develop personality problems, have experienced serious social traumas, or they had very much panic en constantly been overwhelming social, without time for inner rest, or without the ability to make choices in their lives to fucus on, they become hyperalert for social interaction problems.
Now become the danger of they make very rare moments of positive social experiences, they almost constantly came in negative social situations, because they constantly are misunderstood by people, more and more as the years come higher.
How longer and how more often this negative situation takes place, how more hate, frustration, isolation and even agression arises in the autistic person. They can ABSOLUTELY NOT make a mental bridge to the enviroment. If this frustrating brain situation stays for years and they can not solve this overwhelming situations and in themselves, the brain learns how to deal with the enviroment as a patern, by using frustration, agressive, isolation or avoiding behavior, or provocating behaviour, and very much hate for social interaction, and even hate of people. So in this cases as result, you can see very much overlapp between autism and borderline.
The big difference is that autistic anger, all negative behaviour and even autistic impulsivity, arises from QUALITATIVE social interaction problems, in combination with long long times of misunderstanding by people around them, they get angry and survive by angry behaviour. So the result be a very desintegrated or unstable personality, or identity problems. Of course the results are personality problems, the personality problems can even become very serious, but arises from negative enviroment, caused by autism disabilities. Of course, autistic people can also have personality disorder or borderline, beside autism, if the origin of the personality disorder has nothing to do with the problems of autism. The cause can also be maltreatment, sexual abuse or (emotional) neglect. Or in extreme character traits that are innate, and have nothing to do with autism. But then the cause can in no way be linked to autism.
With autism/ enviroment origin, more often it are serious marks of personality disorder(s), not complete diagnosis. Beside, it is not alone borderline, marks of almost any personality disorder can be growing in an autistic person as a social survivel way. Even many many other diagnoses can be also growing, instead/ with personality disorders: Mood disorders, all kind of anxiety disorders, adhesion disorders, and many more.
It is also possible to have only, yes only autism without marks of any other diagnose lifelong, although this possitive perspective is
is reserved for about 30% of people with autism.
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your post on this interesting subject matter. The confusion is not Autism, but those with High Functioning Autism (HFA) or Aspergers who are more likely to also have a personality disorder or perhaps just a multiple complexity of both disorders. I personally know someone who has both Aspergers and a Personality disorder and I totally agree with the characteristics the author mentioned in this article-that the behavior these individuals display behind closed doors with family or significant intimate others can present in ways similar to those of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. My concern is that even when they hurt you, and see the stunned reaction on your face -they continue to afflict pain without positive change, clinically known as supply.
This Is really insightful
Thanks!!!
Never seen an autistic retaliate. Impaired mind theory makes it nearly impossible to exert instrumental violence. Autistics take account. BPD has an impairment in affective empathy and are hyper effective in cognitive empathy. Autistics are severely impaired in cognitive empathy and are hyper effective in affective empathy. One makes all he can to repair. The other sabotages. You’re very ill informed.
Real talk Ashley
Thanks for your answer. Its a refreshing perspective for me. I’m female. Early diagnosis of Autism, then Asperger’s, now BPD
Personally I relate to Schizotypal alot as unacknowledged anxiety led to behaviours led to Psychosis
Here we are. I find the thinking lately that the individual labels for these disorders don’t have to be so rigid.
I believe it’s important for the sufferer to have a framework of understanding themselves. The words to explain what we ourselves are. I suspect self understanding is all most forgotten. Yet the most powerful too for change.
Rambling it’s late my apologies
As stated by Sharon, the information on BPD shared here is 1) Completely wrong and 2) Doesn’t even include the main symptoms of the disorder. What’s worse is that this is basically contributing to the stigma that people with BPD have that we’re simply bad people, drama queens, and reckless just because. This is not true.
BPD is a disorder that consists of:
– Unstable self-image and/or identity: The first consisting of going from loving yourself and thinking you’re great to the next second hating yourself or thinking you’re scum most of the time over very silly happenings or even no happenings at all.
– Unstable interpersonal relationships: This is not due to people with BPD being manipulative, immature, or cruel. This is due to the hyper-sensitivity to all POSSIBLE signs of rejection and abandonment. People with BPD suffer from a huge fear of abandonment and rejection, and this fear often causes us to push people away before THEY can push US away. The other reason why we have unstable relationships is because just as we go from loving to hating ourselves, we go from idealizing the people in our lives to demonizing them INTERNALLY over very small things that to us feel hurtful or are threatening. This often leaves us with a sense of our feelings being invalid because we know they’re too unstable, and also many times puts us at risk because if we’re in an abusive relationship we’re never sure if we’re over-reacting AGAIN or if we’re right this time, so we suck it up and stay. (In fact, this is because most of us develop BPD through the trauma of abusive situations; bullying, sexual abuse/rape/molestation, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. Our fear of rejection and abandonment is also tied to the roots of each patients BPD, often having very strict and demanding families, or completely neglectful families, or a mix of the two, failed relationships, and bullying is an aspect related to the fear of rejection too).
– Self-sabotaging, self-destructive behavior, recklessness, suicidal ideation: This is something that is TRIGGERED and not a constant. Self-sabotaging can go from pushing people we love away in an episode of intense anger (To later regret it to the point of self-punishment for it), to doing everything necessary in order to get fired from a job we need if we’re having am episode. Self-destructive behavior includes self harming (Cutting, burning, scratching, biting, or hitting yourself, pulling your hair), putting yourself in danger (Reckless driving, high risk taking, etc), compulsive promiscuity and unprotected sex, eating disorders, reckless spending of money, or substance abuse (Drugs or alcohol). Not all of those have to be present in the same person, but there can be patients with BPD who show all those signs at the same time. As for suicidal ideation; the big majority of us have suicidal thinking, many even have a record of attempts, but not that many of us actually kill ourselves.
– Unusual high intensity of emotions, volatile and reactionary emotions and moods, “inadequate” emotions: The first one is self-explaining. We feel too intensely, plenty of the time even if we KNOW we’re blowing things out of proportion and how irrational what we feel is, but the thing is that even if RATIONALLY we know that, we still can’t stop feeling like that and by consequence we have a hard time controlling impulses or reactions. What’s more, we’re constantly overwhelmed by our own emotions and we basically just can’t make it stop. We have reactionary moods and emotions, which differentiates BPD from Bipolar Disorder, because Bipolar (When is not co-existing with BPD in the same person, which is also highly common) has CYCLIC moods; there’s periods of depression, then periods of mania, and in some patients they can even be predicted if they’ve been studied (By a doctor or themselves) long enough to see a pattern. BPD doesn’t have a mood pattern or cycle. Our moods change violently due to what’s happening to us or around us, ergo, our moods are reactionary and unpredictable even by us (And having both BPD and Bipolar is just… A huge mess). As for “inadequate” emotions, it’s basically when we feel too intensely about something that really isn’t that big or relevant, or sometimes not caring at all about things that ARE important (Usually this lack of care and interest is related to the patients own well being, future, and relationships with others).
– Black and white thinking, perceived or real failure, perceived or real rejection: With us it’s either all or nothing in the way we perceive others, ourselves, and the world. It’s a very rigid way of seeing things, and we’re often told we lack flexibility in some aspects of our lives (In ways that alienate us from others, that stop us from functioning in a pragmatic sense, or from leading less stressful lives). Just as we’re terrified of abandonment and rejection, we’re terrified of failure and embarrassment, and many times it’s not even *real* failure of embarrassing situations, but we’re a little (Read as: very) paranoid over how we’re being perceived and very self demanding over the standards we set ourselves to. For example; for me needing psychiatric/psychological help and meds for my disorder was a huge failure (Despite how I don’t apply that same standard to anybody else).
– Dissociation: While not a symptom exclusive to those with BPD, when our emotions are overwhelming us past what we can take without literally throwing ourselves into the traffic or screaming until we tear out our vocal cords, we dissociate. It’s one of the most common coping mechanisms we use for the extremely high emotional stress we’re sometimes under.
– Fragmented identity or persona: This one is hard to explain unless you’ve gone through it. It can sometimes take shape of having different SIDES of our personality (NOT different personalities, just different aspects of one personality) severely unlinked for the other sides or aspects of that personality, or in my personal case, how the emotional me, rational me, and physical me experience the world and react to it so differently from each other, I know something rationally but can’t get my emotions to go with my reasoning, or how I can be feeling like crying like a baby but my body won’t react. It’s a disconnection between the fragments of who I am.
People with BPD very rarely have ONLY BPD. Most of us suffer from at least one secondary disorder, which are usually:
– Mood disorders (Depression, bipolar, etc)
– Anxiety disorders (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one that is highly common in people with BPD, there’s also social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, etc)
– Other personality disorders aside from BPD
– Eating disorders
– ADHD or ADD
And so on…
BPD is thought by most people to be caused by trauma. Bullying/peer abuse, any form of sexual abuse (Especially if endured during childhood), abusive relationships, and abandonment are usually cited as shared history by people with BPD. Brain abnormalities, genetics, and such have sadly not been researched enough to have any solid conclusion about them as causes or predisposition for BPD. Many times siblings and twins share the diagnosis but it can also be attributed to living within the same family environment.
Since the root of BPD remains unknown and is usually pointed to be trauma, the disorder itself can not be treated, but what can be treated is the symptoms. This is why those with BPD usually take the same meds that those who have Bipolar, Depression, or PTSD take, plus being treated with therapy.
As for us being violent… That is for the biggest part just a myth, since usually the violence we partake in is against ourselves instead of against those around us. We can be verbally aggressive and we are very prone to irritation and explosive anger at times though.
I have been diagnosed with BPD and the only person I have been violant towards is myself. If I accidently hurt someone I get so made at myself and been known to hurt myself because of it. Verbally yes I can get upset but so can someone with autism. I have meltdowns and when I have talked to people with autism I was amazed how similar there experience is to mine.
Nope, autistics are not verbally violent.
You’re an idiot, my man.
NOBODY’S BEING AN IDIOT MAN. EXECPT YOU.
– psychological violence exert by BPD convinced to defend themselves is absolutely not a myth. Physical violence exists also.
– you forgot paranoid ideation, among other things
– people with PTSD or CPTSD after an abusive relationship don’t present any of these symptoms
My child is 20 and has been through mental health services repeatedly over the years with no clear diagnosis, after the 4th suicide attempt she has just been given a diagnosis of ASD and BPD…..I have lived with what you suggest is a ‘loaded gun’ for 20 years and I am still no further forward in being able to help her
you sound like me and i hate to tell you this but my daughter is 40yo and we are still going thru this…I have had custody of her son since he was a year old..she hates me and won’t listen to anything i try tell her…I believe it is the BPD that led to alcohol\drug addictions..so I have had to step away from her and try to help her son stay off the same path…It’s sad to say that i see a lot of the same behaviors in him.
As a child up to the age of 23 I was diagnosed with ptsd which got changed with in two weeks of me changing to a different cmht in a another brought to bpd which I have been challenging now for 8 years I was also diagnosis with adhd at age 26 to go on and have 3 children one being aultistic we’re social workers question my ability to look after her which was not my first child all because of the bpd diagnosis and her aultism which I passed every test there throw at me and is meeting every complex need that my daughter has now to be told that it is very likely that I have asd and no bpd also to be told the reason that I got given it was all because I was a child of abuse and it was a easy label other then ptsd the reason I’m writing this is I get really mad when people make comment that they no nothing about and say thing like asd child and bpd parent is not good for child I am living proof that people with bpd diagnosis can do just as well a people with out the label and that people need to remember sometime them labels are wrong want I would like people to thing about is if a child come to u and told u they were being abused u won’t blame them if they acted out or had problems dealing with it so why treat people with bpd as if they to blame when u have no clue what has happen to them in they life’s more so as a child sorry rant over .
I’m so sad this is out there and is the first thing that comes up when I googled borderline and autism, There’s no research in this at all, and those are not what borderlines are like. I was looking up this because I have been diagnosed with borderline but Me and other people have suspected that I have Aspergers and that I was misdiagnosed. I just saw a worker recently about supports for my mental health and he asked if I had developmental disorder and I said some people suspect autism and he said that makes sense people would think so because borderline and autism are similar. When I look at stuff I identify more with Asperger’s then BPD. It’s interesting because BPD is diagnosed in more females then males and ASD is diagnosed in more males then female. I wonder if one looked at it and the gender differences they might be the same disorder only one is more a male oriented diagnosis and the other is more female oriented.
Agree! Also there was no autism diagnosis for girls born in the early to mid 1940’s.
The information listed here about BPD makes me very angry. As someone who is diagnosed with BPD I can honestly say that not only are the characteristics you have presented not at all part of the diagnostic criteria but they also only reflect on the negative, stigmatizing, and often times generalized characteristics of this disorder. You say that you are only presenting the information you get from other sources and that those sources are not always up to date? If you are going to present information on something then it’s up to you as the author to make sure your information is unbiased, correct, up to date, and gives the whole story. All you have done is further stigmatize.
I have divorced a mother with BPD and we have 2 autistic twin 10 y/o boys. She has been a nightmare to deal with. I spent $350,000 on attorney’s and therapists to try and get away from her and save the children.
It has now been 19 months since I have seen these children even though I have been in court the whole time trying to do so. The court screwed up from the beginning by giving her custody and me very little visitation. I lived through restraining orders and was even falsely accused of child abuse and dealt with CPS for 2 years trying to see my children. Manipulation on steroids and evil is what BPDer’s are. They are the curse of society and I don’t care what you BPDer’s think about it. I’ve lived it and lost my children to it. I say lock em all up because of the damage they do to people. I would rather sit across the table and have dinner with a mass murder than someone with BPD. Believe it or not, that’s sanity!
I feel for you…we have gone thru the same thing with my daughter..all i can say to you is “DON”T let all of this label YOU as the sick one” because it will make you sick if you let it….I always said there should be an OSCAR for this disorder because they are the best actors and can even fool their doctors and the courts.
I know this is probably too late but I wanted to leave my two cents. I have BPD and my daughter has Autism. It was very difficult for me to read this. I realize the majority of borderlines are difficult to deal with but much like autism BPD is severely misunderstood. I have had extensive treatment and live a quiet, emotionally healthy life with my husband and daughter. I am very involved in all her therapy, particularly ABA (behavior therapy). If anyone has a difficult time relating and connecting with her it’s my husband NOT me. She and I both know what it’s like to experience sensory and emotional overload, and what it’s like for people to mistake our emotional outbursts for erratic and irreverent tantrums. My treatment has taught me emotion regulation and I am working on instilling those skills in her now. It is difficult for people who have never experienced something like that to empathize or even begin to understand. My overcoming BPD has made me a better autism parent. I understand here you are referring to those who are untreated, but even then, BPD’s can be highly sensitive, empathetic people who can deeply connect with others.
I also wanted to mention to those whose BPD “loved” ones have made their lives miserable that with education, research and patience anyone can recover. I understand we are unbearable in the worse moments but BPD is an illness like any other. My husband has read and listened to me and been patient and talked and read an listened some more until we’ve reached a level of intimacy and strong bond few marriages including those of “healthy people achieve. It takes two for a relationship to fall apart.
Whoever started this string of comments back in February 2013 was right on target in his/her brief list of the “attributes” of BPD. I feel qualified to discuss the “distinction” between high-function autism and BPD…. because both exist in my family. I belatedly discovered I was “on the spectrum” when I was 59 y.o. Although my ability to “pass” is now very good, my childhood difficulties were textbook: sensory overload, “does not play well with others” and so on. My sister is the NT one, but she is definitely BPD; I would stake my life on it. She’s had 3 marriages and is working on destroying #3 as I write this. She is that “hidden” BPD who is able to fool those people who superficially know her, but has made life hell for the unfortunate ones with whom she’s had …. relationships. Our “family of origin” had a shadowy father figure (to use a Freudian term) and a narcissitic mother with some sexual pathology; she molested my sister up until she was eleven. My sister learned that one of her proclivities, lying, helped her to cope. Later on she learned dissociation with the end result that she can be abusive and incredibly hurtful one day, and not even appear to have any guilt or remorse the following day. I made the mistake of telling her that she was BPD, something that her therapists were either afraid to diagnose, or were not sufficiently observant to ferret out. This resulted in a massive attack on me, which she took “public” by sharing with all of our mutual friends.
Contrast this behavior to the self-doubt and agonizing that one who is autistic and high-function…. typically suffers when he/she realizes that they are “different” and that they cannot, and do not, react to interpersonal situations according to expectations.
Sure, there are often intellectual “gifts” which the aspie can use to good effect in school and in work life, but the social deficits are NOT something which can be eliminated; they can only be compensated for…. at least for adults. I’m hopeful that early diagnosis and intervention can help young aspies to better- integrate, but that was never an option for me.
People with BPD have far less difficulty getting into relationships, but they cannot “keep” them. Not healthy ones, at least. Compare that to what aspies have to endure: painful rejections from not being understood. But an aspie who is in a romantic situation with an NT will eventually encounter “issues” which take understanding to overcome, if they can be….
I’m having a real hard time understanding “how” BPD can be confused or conflated with autism. If you wish to understand BPD, then go to one of the online communities and read what the people who are “close” to someone with BPD have to say on the subject. It seems to me that the people who have to deal with a loved one or relative who is BPD are the EXPERTS….. and not the so-called professionals who under-diagnose these people. I think this is a profound problem for the “mental health profession” and it needs to be highlighted. I’m of the opinion that anyone in therapy needs, after a certain point, to have the people he/she lives with…. to be interviewed by the therapist in order to establish the validity of any diagnosis. But these mental health professionals harp on “privacy” to the exclusion of actually doing proper diagnosis….. with BPD cases in particular.
I welcome any countervailing remarks or rebuttals to what I’ve said herein….
THANK YOU.
This. Yes.
I did learn and mimic some of my parent’s behaviors (some autistic people can be very verbally abusive- not only myself as trauma response but some more masculine-leaning individuals I have clashed with)…until I recognized what was happening and became clear my distress is from (now) very obvious autism. In fact I am sure it is autism which allowed me to unpack what is happening in me and the parent and choose to whatever degree possible, a different fate. I’ve had actually really challenging friendships with bpd women as well. Appreciate the breakdown from the poster about healthy family and difficulties growing with age very much too.
Your article is hurtful and promotes the stigma. I’m diagnosed with BPD, my son has autism. You wrote down those “characteristics” like they were the only indicators of BPD and like we did all of this on purpose. Let me tell you something. Yes, my family hurt because of my problems, yes, they hurt each time I was hospitalised. Yes, it may be difficult to deal with me because I get hurt easily and hide from contacts. BUT it’s ME who hurts the most. You cannot imagine how hard it is to live with BPD. There were years when I was constantly thinking about suicide because I felt worthless. I still do feel disgusting and like a sub-human lots of times. I hurt easily which means putting my own thoughts about myself in other people’s heads. This doesn’t help in social interactions because I always think people hate me – just like I hate myself. I sometimes lose control, shout, cry, then feel numb… Never actually intending to hurt anybody with my behaviour. It’s like a meltdown in autistic child. You can’t help it, it’s happening, you know it but can do nothing about it. Little things can trigger that. This doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. The world is just too much for me sometimes. I may be fragile, unpredictable and hurtful but I’M NOT A MONSTER. Just like my son isn’t when he kicks me, screams and lies down on the floor, draining me of all my energy.
I identify with my son because just like him I view the world differently. Parenting him is hard, even harder for a person with BPD but I’m doing my best and no other person would do it better than me. Because I love him and he loves me. By the way, he’s non-verbal, but lately learned and he constantly tells me “I love you”. He also kisses me a lot which he doesn’t share with others. That has to mean I’m doing a good job.
I have BPD and Autism. And trust me, BPD is nothing at all like this article made it out to be. I suggest the author actually read some books written by doctors and not talk to people who have experienced the worst of someone. I hurt myself and feel strong emotions, a lot of which are negative against me. This article is not only wrong, it is hurtful and full of so much stigma. I am sick that this is how people with my illness are portrayed. People leave me just hearing those words because they come on sites like that and basically read all that horrible untrue nonsense. Maybe I sound harsh but that’s because I’m almost in tears hearing how awful people think someone like me can be. None of the symptoms are right. My mind gets very confused sometimes, but I am not like this article describes. People with BPD suffer a lot and often commit suicide. Please think about that before posting untrue portrayals. All the people who love me would disagree with this.
The language used in this article to reference people with BPD is abhorrent- negative, misinformed and deeply lacking in compassion and empathy.
The next time you post something on this subject please consider the impact of your words. No one person is born wishing to have an illness like BPD. BPD is an illness not a choice or a moral failing. This language contributes to stigma and is unhelpful. It may be worthwhile considering the impact of your words on those afflicted by this condition.
shoutout to the guy who wrote this article with what i’m sure is a Very Real Psychology Degree who evidently went to the wiki page for “sociopathy” and just started Ctrl C’ing everything he could fu**** find 🤦🏻♀️ i know high schoolers who show a better, more complex understanding of personality disorders than this guy. do your research next time man, don’t make it a personal attack-piece. it’s okay to just say “i don’t know a lot about bpd” and go
“The single most specific criticism I would raise though, is that this article seems to be written from an emotional or personal standpoint, rather than a medical or psychological one.
This person seems to have a particular axe to grind, and an article like this needs to be more impartial to have any real value.”
Exactly! This “article” is more of a misguided rant!
When one writes about BPD you can be sure that you’re going to see a whole lot of BPD go on the offensive in the comments. Goes to prove the point of it’s always someone else’s fault and it’s not their fault they are “ill”. I’m on the spectrum with a BPD mother who’s refused therapy and it’s gotten even more ugly with age. But hey, it’s not her fault, it’s everyone else who dares to even suggests that therapy can help to learn better coping strategies. Meanwhile, one has to walk on eggshells and just nod to all the crap she says.
Personality Disorders are not always the result of trauma or upbringing. We do not fully know why people have antisocial personality disorder for instance. It is possible that this is a neurodivergent condition. This is also possible with BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder etc. Perhaps it is a combination of both Nature and Nurture. I think this is more likely. If you have ever met someone with full fledged Antisocial Personality Disorder who scores high in psychopathy- their parents will tell you that their child was different as a young toddler etc. In fact- there are tell a tale signs from childhood like bed wetting, hurting animals etc. The diagnostic criteria does not include trauma. I think you need to amend your article. Thanks for listening to my input.
I’ve heard of people like you Kylie. You read a few papers or social media comments and piggy back off of it as a way of sounding like you know something about the subject ( and gain a following) ….when you clearly do not. It’s people like you who cause stigma and re-traumatize people. Actually a little bit narcissistic behaviour. ( No, i’m not labelling you with NPD. I wouldn’t be so cruel). Please take care to do your research well…and in fact unless you have expert knowledge or real personal insight, then leave it to the people who know and find another profession. Thank You.
Wow! Who hurt you. This opinion seems to be very emotional and not steeped in research at all. People that function with a mental health disorder or simply that… people! They aren’t broken and therefore don’t need to be fixed. Symptoms for all disorders play out differently based on each person. Making these comments as fact without highlighting this fact is insensitive and irresponsible. Mental health is hard enough to deal with since you cannot physically see it and most don’t understand it. The fact that a young adult brought this to my attention is even more offensive because they are searching for answers to deal with their life on a daily basis better and are being lied to directly. Then it’s up to professionals like myself to undo the myths before we can really help people. Shame on you! I am grateful that this ignorance can be replied to directly at a minimum to at least keep the conversation going for the many folks that need help.